


And maybe I'd get there

by Anonymous



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Angst and Feels, Anorexia, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Food Issues, Gen, Self-Blame, Self-Esteem Issues, channie feels super guilty for not saying something sooner, could be potentially triggering so uh read with caution i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-08 08:09:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21232583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Chan's not blind, he's noticed that something's off with Hansol—but who was he to prod?(Or; Hansol's eating issues aren't as cleverly disguised as he believes them to be and Chan seriously regrets not saying something sooner.)





	And maybe I'd get there

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jhopefulyoongi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jhopefulyoongi/gifts).

> me, writing fanfiction of a fanfic and completely ignoring my need to update my own works? it's more likely than you think ;)
> 
> this is written within "Never Enough, Never Good Enough"'s universe so i only own my words, not the au
> 
> read the tags fellas, stay safe

"Hey, Hansol?" Hansol looking up from his laptop with a quizzical expression, a frown slipping onto his face when he notices how Chan's lips are pursed, brows furrowed in what he assumes can only be worry.

"Yeah?" 

"You okay? I noticed you didn't eat your dinner." The younger boy walking over to his roommate's bed, throwing himself down with a groan, "I even made sure to get you your favorite this time," His words sending a wave of guilt over the older, Hansol chewing on the inside of his cheek as he racks his mind for a somewhat plausible excuse, only to find none, eyes downcast.

"I, uh," Chan propping himself up on his elbows as he patiently waits, though he knows just as well as Hansol does that there's no lying his way out of this one, "I'm sorry, I just haven't been all that hungry recently."

"I've noticed," And Hansol flinches, something that also doesn't slip past Chan's watchful gaze, "But seriously, are you sure that you're okay?"

"Yeah," Hansol shutting his laptop and rising from his desk with a yawn, stretching his arms out above his head, Chan pretending not to see the faint outline of the older's ribs from underneath his baggy hoodie, "I'm fine Channie, no need to worry." Hansol flashing him a small smile before he too flings his body onto the bed, Chan yelping as Hansol tackles him, the younger's heart dropping when he feels how boney the taller has become. The softness Hansol had once possessed now sharp edges and deep crevices, his cheekbones frighteningly prominent, wrists that looked like even the slightest pressure would cause them to snap in two.

"Hyung!"

_"You're so light hyung," _Is what Chan wants to say, but he doesn't, he remains silent like the coward that he is_—something that will only serve to haunt him in the future._

\---

_"You didn't get anything?" Chan's voice coming out louder than he'd intended, muttering an apology under his breath when the cashier glares at him, Hansol tugging on his sweater sleeve, obviously embarrassed. "How is it that there's nothing in this store that you'll eat?" Hansol simply shrugging noncommittally, Chan sighing as he reaches for the bag of oranges, knowing that it'd be pointless to try to prod._

_"I'm sorry," He mumbles sheepishly, "Guess I'm just too picky, huh." Hansol laughing awkwardly at his own sad attempt at a joke, Chan, on the other hand, choosing to keep quiet, knowing that now wasn't the right time to say the words that he so desperately wanted to speak._

_"Well, at least I know you'll eat these oranges!" Hansol visibly brightening when Chan finally returns the light "banter" of sorts, though it's clear he's still uncomfortable, something that Chan knows he, as a good friend, should confront him about. But why bother when Hansol had an excuse for almost everything? If he didn't want to talk, then why force him? It's not like Hansol's pickiness was really that bad, Chan was probably just blowing it out of proportion after having the older dump takeout box after takeout box of food into the trash-_

_"Sir? Cash or credit?" The cashier asks, annoyance written all over her face, Chan flushing as he's snapped back to reality, Hansol quirking a concerned brow at the shorter's out of character slip._

_"Sorry," He murmurs, handing her his card, "Card will do," Chan purposely ignoring Hansol's gentle nudging at his back, watching the numbers rise with each item that was scanned, numbers he knew that were dropping much too quickly with Hansol, the thought of the scale someday reading zero making Chan's stomach twist._

_"You okay?" Hansol whispers, "I'm sorry if I-"_

_"It's fine Hansol," Chan cutting the older off briskly, finding his apology oddly irritating for god knows what reason, "It's fine."_

\---

"Almond milk? Again?" Chan's nose wrinkling as Hansol just nods, eyes glued to his phone, "Don't you think you should have something more? You know, like maybe some cereal or something? A banana maybe?"

"Eating too much makes my tummy hurt," Hansol easily deflecting the younger's concern, "I make sure to make up for it at lunch, so it's fine."

_But do you really? Or are you just saying that because you know it's what I want to hear? Which is it Hansol?_

"You promise?"

"Yeah, of course." 

\---

_"Not enough, it's not enough!" Hansol pinching the soft skin of his inner thigh harshly, the "chub" gripped firmly between his thumb and middle finger, "I'm still so-"_

_"Hyung?" Chan's voice rings out, the brunette missing the slight tremor woven into the younger's voice, "A-Are you okay?" Wincing when he picks up on the wobble this time around, Hansol rubbing at he blotchiness coloring his cheeks with the heels of his palms, his hair disheveled, eyes rimmed red from both a mixture of crying and very little sleep. _

_"Yeah, I just couldn't sleep." And it's the truth, Hansol really can't sleep, wanting nothing more than for his mind to just shut up, for that nagging voice in the back of his mind to lay off his case, his thin body just too exhausted to burn off the "extra" calories he hadn't even consumed. "Sorry if I woke you up,"_

_"You didn't," Chan replies quietly, and Hansol can almost picture the younger's listless pacing that's most likely happening on the other side of the door, "No need to apologize." _

_"Oh, well I'm still sorry-"_

_"I need to use the restroom Sol," Chan's ears heating up as he blurts out those words, "Shit, that was rude wasn't it-"_

_"It's fine Channie," Hansol sucking in a shaky breath as he steps out, praying that the raven won't notice that he'd been crying, "It's all yours."_

_"Thanks hyung," Chan wanting to say more, to ask why Hansol had been crying, to ask him what was wrong, to ask him about his very sudden and very drastic weight loss, but knowing that now just wasn't the right time to, "You're a lifesaver!"_

_(But can I save yours?)_

\---

_"Did you know?" _Chan's throat closing up upon being asked that damned question, though he really should be used to it by now, as Hansol's situation was the talk of the dorm after Chan had caused quite the drama with his screaming and whatnot. _"Did you know he was...sick?"_

_"Hansol's not sick!" _Is what he wants to say, _"Hansol's perfectly okay, he's alright, really."_

But that's not the truth, and Chan suspects that it hasn't been the truth for quite some time now. He also suspects that it won't be the truth for an indefinite period of time, well, not until Hansol decides he wants his "I'm okay" to be really okay. Though it's not Chan's place to say, nor will it ever be.

"No," He answers every time, "I _didn't_ know."

**Author's Note:**

> if you want me to take this down, i will do so immediately but uh hopefully ur not too mad about this fanfic²


End file.
